TASTE NO EVIL

now hear this!

2006-10-28T18:53:00.000-07:00

We are going indie and have begun to set up Taste No Evil at its very own domain! This means total creative control in addition to a greater amount of work for me. Overall an excellent development. Stay tuned! Maybe I'll even frigging make a new POTW sometime in my life, eh? - The Drawer.

COLLEGE! A Primer to the NESCAC Schools - Part Drie

2006-10-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

Outsourcing is the new fad in American Industry and we at TNE are doing our part to keep up with the cool. Here is a guest article straight from our favorite unemployed English major (is there any other kind) who would prefer to be known as BP (not British Petroleum) do to his job search. He is currently waiting to hear back from Denny’s. If you don't have a clue what this article is about catch up and read Part I, or Part II of COLLEGE! a Primer to the NESCAC Schools.

Part the Third: Hamilton College

At A Glance

Name: Hamilton College.

College Mascot: The Continental Breakfast at Denny's. (Interesting trivia- if you go to a Denny's, there is a 76% chance that your server is a Hamilton grad.)

Team Name: Continentals.

Location: On a hill in Clinton, New York. It's a hop, skip, and 5,000 miles from any other NESCAC school.

Student Body: 1,780. Apparantly, it is divided 50/50 between men and women. However, the men at Hamilton are pretty much women and the women are pretty much men, so Lord knows how they calculated that ratio. It's a guestimate at best.

HISTORY
Hamilton College is named after Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton was a brilliant economist and author of the Federalist Papers. He was also one of the biggest losers in American history.

Hamilton College chooses to emulate Hamilton's dueling career instead of his political career. Their athletic teams try to cheat, attack wildly, get blasted, and then grovel around on the ground screaming in agony until the final whistle.

WARD CHURCHILL CONTROVERSY
Hamilton got a lot of press when they tried to invite a delusional lunatic named Ward Churchill to speak at their campus in 2005. Churchill was famous for referring to victims of 9/11 as "Little
Eichmanns". A Hamilton spokesman said, "We here at Hamilton wish to honor the honorable Prime Minister and believe should have the opportunity to speak freely."

When informed that Ward Churchill was not the British Prime Minister, who had been dead for forty years, but a wacko from Colorado, the spokesman said, "Um, what?"

On a matter of free speech, Hamilton paid Ward Churchill $3,500 to stay home.

"NESCAC" CONTROVERSY
Hamilton was inducted into the New England Small College Athletic Conference in the 1970's, despite the fact that Hamilton is in New York, and New York is not part of New England. True NESCACers often say that Hamilton is, "the red-headed stepchild of the NESCAC". That doesn't really sum it up. More accurately, Hamilton is the "crack-addict-brother's-ex-girlfriend's-red-headed-stepchild-that-somehow-winds-up-in-your-care
of the NESCAC". The NESCAC doesn't know how Hamilton got in to their life, they resent Hamilton and everything they represent, but they realize that they would look like a bastard to kick them out. So, they let them stay, grinding their teeth as they endure a steady stream of public humilation brought upon them by the staggering ineptitude of their unwanted long-term guest.

ATHLETICS
Hamilton College has long been rumored to have won an athletic contest, once back in the late 70's. It was a duel in darts against the Perkins School for the Blind. Despite falling way behind early, the Continentals snuck away with their opponents' darts, disqualifying them and earning the victory.

STREAKING TEAM
The Streaking Team has been the pride of Hamilton since 2002. Every
year, the entire student body tries out. Only the fattest, sweatiest, pastiest, and stupidest are allowed on the football team. The rest join the Streaking Team. In true Hamilton form, the Streaking Team long claimed to be undefeated until someone actually challenged them to a contest. They promptly lost (to Williams, natch). Hamilton's ability to lose at something that only requires taking your clothes off, running around, and not getting arrested is impressive to say the least. Only Hamilton is capable of losing even at sports they invent with rules that don't exist.

So, if you get your GED and you have five or six years to kill along with a spare $160,000 lying around, you can join the Hamilton family! You're virtually guaranteed a job at Denny's when you're done.

Screen Play… an Opening

2006-10-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

Black screen: sound of waves lapping against the side of a wooden boat
Fade from black. A tiny boat, alone (by which we mean surrounded by a gazillion (actual number) other boaters, and jet skies), in the vastness that is Florida Bay. An old man, much as Hemmingway must have imagined him, in a loose fitting Hawaiian shirt, sipping at a bottle of Corona and lime (delish), with large blue blocker sunglasses and a VFW trucker hate sitting high atop his head with wispy tufts of snow white hair waving loosely in the wind, sat at the helm of the ship. The sail was down and the ship relied on the large onboard motor to putter along leaking oil and spewing smoke out into the crystal blue hazy sky.

Cut scene:
A buzzing fly lands on the back of a dark chocolate colored hand layered with dust everywhere except for the few places where sweat has beaded up enough to run. The fly is quickly brushed away only to return to the pile of trash next to the deck that the African man sits on. Next to his chair is long barreled high powered ivory gripped riffle that he absentmindedly caresses while staring intently out over the railing. Surrounding the house are mounds of dirt from a trench that was obviously quickly and recently dug. A large log creates a bridge leading from the driveway in front of the house to the surrounding fields where tinny zephyrs send dust swirling into the savanna.

Pan to sky:
Fade from sound of buzzing flies to that of water caressing the side of a ship. A buoy dings in the background. Music blasts from a party boat as men and women in tight fitting designer swim wear race around the ocean. The old man in the wooden boat shakes his fist at them yelling something about “dang young’ens” as his grand kids lie on the bow and wife holds, white knuckled, onto the railing. The boat shudders as if it stuck something. “prob’ly one of them dang manatees.” The old man gets up and looks towards the stern of the boat, as he does so there is a splashing and a stingray jumps into the boat, knocking the man down. Using its tail as a like a spear the stingray stabs at the man as his grandchildren scream and his wife calls for help, eventually the stingray hits home stabbing the man before dying of suffocation.

Cut to shaking screen:
Trees come crashing down as a large male elephant rips apart the forest bordering the fields in the African savanna. The man on the deck jumps up as the elephant turns towards the house, grabbing the riffle in one motion while running off the porch. The elephant, shaking its head and bellowing, makes a b-line for the man paying no head to the trench or barbs that stick into its thick skin as he runs though fencing. Wielding his tusks like a pair of giant scythes the elephant clipped the man as he lowered the riffle sending him reeling onto the dusty ground… cut to black

Dun dun dun (music)

Voice over: Even animals can only be pushed so far. Will this be humanity's last stand? What will be do when...
ANIMALS ATTACK!
Coming to the real world near YOU

Check out these two articles on animals that are normally docile creatures suddenly turning on humans. Could it be that they are pissed at us? Could it be that it is time for revenge? Could it be an awesome movie starring Denzel as an honest hardworking man who has to fight for the human race? I think so!

Or is it like something out of an old Hitchcock movie where suddenly the animals rise up to kick all our asses. We should get them before they get us. Hippies, you are either with mankind or against it! Start eating MEAT and show those tasty bastards who's boss.

Article Uno

Article Uno Two

Interlude: The Nastiest Candy

2006-10-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

Here is a story. It is a story about a person who made some candy that turned out to be his least successful, most off-putting cooking experiment ever in his whole life! How could this happen, you ask???

Well. One Wednesday evening, Jono came up with what he thought would be a great idea with great results. He took a mug out of the clean dishwasher, placed it on the white Formica counter, and lovingly poured in some sugar, cornstarch, water, and vanilla extract. Then he stirred it all really really well and put the mug in the microwave. He set the microwave to cook for 2:22 (ding ding ding went the microwave as he pressed the buttons). Jono started the microwave and soon the enchanting fragrance of vanilla was wafting out of it! After a minute, Jono checked the mixture. It had crusted over some and taken on a custardy texture!

"Wow," Jono thought with excitement and just a hint of fear, "I've never seen or tasted anything like this before!"

He put the mug back in the microwave and let it continue cooking. In the meantime, he did some dishes.

Ding!

The microwave had just told Jono that the candy mixture might be all done, so he brought the mug out (carefully - it was hot!) and poked at its contents with a fork. Now the mixture was more like something halfway between doughnut jelly and cake! But it still wasn't all that candy-like. So Jono set the microwave for 2:22 again and put the mug back in.

After about a minute of cooking, a familiar smell made its debut out of the microwave.

"Mmmm!" thought Jono. "Caramel! Or should I say, pure delight! But that means I should take out the candy before it starts to burn!" Jono was thinking exclusively in exclamations, a sign of just how exciting was this unfolding candy event.

Jono removed the mug from the microwave and poked at the candy thing with a fork. For no longer could what was in the mug easily be called a mixture - it was too hard and cohesive for that - yet at the same time it was too amorphous to be dubbed simply candy. Jono had made a candy thing, and it was like a viscous, extremely high-temperature sponge with a disturbing caramel-lined interior cavity. Jono tried in vain to break a piece of it off with a fork to taste, but it simply deformed. Not even a spoon accomplished the task at hand. Jono temporarily gave up and instead added some chocolate syrup to the candy thing to try to make it taste better. Then he put it in the freezer for a few minutes and, after that, placed an ice cube on top of it in a quixotic attempt to cool it down a little.

After all this, the candy thing, with chocolate syrup covering it and the sugar-glued walls of the mug, looked more than a little turdly, and Jono felt sincerely sorry for the languishing ice cube. But now the candy thing was cool enough that Jono could carefully pry it apart with his teeth! As was his wont, Jono ate the whole candy thing over the course of the next few minutes, not wanting to let it go to waste, but ruing his confectionery experiment with every difficult, saccharine, vanilla-laden, burnt-tasting-yet-still-cornstarchy bite.

Once he had eaten the entire candy thing, Jono took some time to reflect. He resolved to go lighter on the cornstarch and vanilla next time (perhaps egg whites and almond extract would be suitable replacements??). He also took some pictures of the remaining sugar crust and chocolate syrup, which were busy doing an uncanny impersonation of dried, grossly discolored Superglue, so that he could show them to his friends on his blog and help them experience a bit of the same queasiness that he had just endured. They all lived happily ever after???

FIN

COLLEGE! A Primer to the NESCAC Schools - Part NI

2006-10-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

This is the second part in an 11 part series. Read the introduction to Part I if you have any questions

Part the Second: Bates College

At a Glance:
College Name: Bates College… not the hotel.

College Mascot: Some sort of a cat, fisher cat, polecat, Pussy... cat

School Motto: “Do you smell that? No? It wasn’t me!”

Number of Students: 1,673 on campus…829 males, 855 females- *we know that those numbers don’t add up, (we tried several times with different calculators) but adding was never something that Bates students had a high aptitude for.

Location: Lewiston “the armpit of Maine”

Price (2006-07): $42,100 does not including the years of therapy most Bates students will have to go though.

A Brief History

Founded in 1855, Bates was incorporated by Maine abolitionists, an obvious response to Kentucky being founded as a slave state. For that reason Bates is often called the “Kentucky of the North” and has the incest to prove it. Fun Fact! 80% of Bates students end up marrying one another. Guess it gets to the point when you figure out you can’t do any better and take what you can get. While many colleges have just recently done away with the Greek system Bates boasts never having had fraternities or sororities stating “on principle, all student organizations are open to all” this type of openness is also apparent in their admissions department.

What to do at Bates:

LEAVE!
How to play with statistics!
What they say- “The percentage of students engaged in study abroad is among the highest in the nation: 70 percent of members of the Class of 2003 earned credit for study abroad at some point in their college experience” Bates webpage-
What it means- after two years at Bates almost ¾ of the students want out and are willing to go to places like Africa, Australia, Antarctica, France, Western Europe, and even Canada to do so.

Community Involvement:

Bates prides itself with the connection it has with the Lewiston community stating on its website that: “Bates is one of the top ten employers in the Lewiston/Auburn area- so you have to be nice to us!”
Other ways to get involved is through trying to clean up Lewiston (good luck!) getting in knife fights with townies and through professors who mentor youth sports, volunteer with non profits and sell crack to the local kids! *great way to supplement that professor income!

COLLEGE! A Primer to the NESCAC Schools - Part I

2006-10-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

We at Taste No Evil miss college. This real world with “work” and whatnot kinda blows — note Jono NOT doing any Pics of the Week — and makes us long for the days of drinking (for some (half) of us), living with your friends, freshmenwomen, and living in a totally care-free environment… well, except for having to get good grades and not fail at life (hooking up with a train wreck is considered a sign of failure at life). THUS, in remembrance of those wonderful times, we are producing an eleven-part series called “COLLEGE! Why we make bad decisions (like going to Bates)” or “A Primer to the NESCAC Schools.”

While there are many good schools out there to rip on, we at Taste No Evil are very attached to the NESCAC conference, so are going to be focusing on them for this series. If you feel left out, e-mail us and we will take a cheap shot at whatever sub-par institution you ended up going to (probably an Ivy if you are whining). TasteNoEvil at gmail dot com, remember.

Part the First: Amherst College

At a glance:

College Name: Amherst College (Little Brother to Williams)

College Mascot: the Lord Jeffs (and his comfort blanky)

School Motto: Terras Irradient ("Let them give pastel popped collars to the world")

Number of Students: 1,640, comprising 851 men, 789 women (don’t worry men, Mt Holyoke is nearby and the ratio of men to women is slightly different there with 2,100 students — 2,023 women, 77 question marks.)

Price (2006-07): $43,360 (Ouch! Let's hope Daddy won’t have to sell the yacht.)

Brief history of the College:

Incorporated in 1820, Amherst was dull enough to name itself after the town it was located in, kind of surprising considering one of its founders was Noah Webster, creator of the Webster Dictionary. Maybe he should have written a Thesaurus instead (ZING!). Notable graduates include Emily Dickenson and some other smart people.

While nationally recognized year after year as one of the best liberal arts colleges in the country (the president owns stock in a kneepad company*) (*note: this is hearsay), it is better known for the pastel-colored, collar-popping students who leave Amherst and suddenly feel better than everyone else because of the small NESCAC school they graduated from. While Amherst held the number one spot in the college ranking system for many years, the school that they had copied since their incorporation, Williams (think of Amherst as the annoying younger brother of the NESCAC), has overtaken them, leaving the President to try and figure out a new way to gain higher rankings (more Asians! He said it, not us). (Editors' disclaimer: don’t quote us on that, we cannot prove that anyone ever said anything, either in the past, present, or in the future. As far as we can tell, the world is just the consistent humming of computer fans.)

What to know about the College:

Naturally, when thinking about what college you want to go to (or, if you have graduated already, when thinking about whether you actually want to tell people where you graduated from), you have to consider some very important things. First off, do you want to go to a school that has the school colors of purple and white? You have to live with that for the rest of your life. You also have to accept the fact that your school is named after a town, which is named after a man, who it is thought started the whole trend of using small pox blankets to teach those damn Indians (feather, not dot) not to mess with Europeans who rightly owned the land due to God's decree, Manifest Destiny (see, Muslim extremists, we can listen to our God too. Now give us your oil!). While a creative use of resources (no one else wanted the blankets; Amherst claimed he was the inventor of recycling) not the best thing to be remembered by in today's PC (that's right Mac users!) world.

Amherst College claims a wide range of extracurricular activities and groups, including club sports such as equestrian riding, fencing, and sailing, and clubs including Figure Skating, Cricket and The Sportsman Club (“we shoot guns and fish”) (are the fish Smith and Wesson too?). With all the options that Amherst has to offer, no student will miss the days of lounging on the Vineyard or playing Polo with the family while studying for a job in i-banking.

For more information on the college, visit:
www.amherstcollege.edu/we'restillbetterthanwilliams/noreally.html.

Next up, BATES.

daaang

2006-09-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

MAN guys, I don't mean to be doing all this not updating, but there's this weird thing called a "full-time job" that I have that is just getting in the way of all sorts of stuff such as the germination of Pics of the Week. I am trying to get some basic things taken care of, such as getting my room organized and reading some books, and mostly failing to do so, and in the meantime POTWs are just not appearing to happen! I hope to get back into a groove sometime soon, and in the meantime I'll try to at least do occasional ones, but, um, not tonight. - The Drawer

gsd's fashions reflect his realities

2006-09-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

To the Moon

2006-09-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

Recently NASA let the world know that they had “lost” the original recording of the first man walking on the moon. While many people out there are touting this as “evidence” (Where’s the bloody glove?) for a faked moon landing and walk, I see it as more of an opportunity. NASA should take a clue from another expert on space, George Lucas, and take this loss and turn it into a gain. Remake the original, and re-release it in theaters to make more money to fund the space program. Think of it. The old picture was grainy, choppy, and didn’t have great sound quality. People don’t want to watch that on a new 54-inch plasma TV with Dolby surround sound. They want something sexy, something fast, something more like… well, a sexy, fast, walk on the moon.

While a moon jog isn’t quite what we are going for (think Chariots of Fire with moon boots), perhaps selling it as a moon sprint, away from evil aliens from Pluto (who are pissed off because they no longer live on a planet) with digital effects including lasers, explosions, and spaceships would definitely get us to a theater. As long as Jar Jar Binks isn’t in the movie.

It is time for NASA to step up to bat and make space travel sexy. Those suits have to go. They are bulky, clumsy, and slow; they show no curve, no cleavage, and no rippling muscles for whatever actors they are going to get to ~~walk~~ battle on the moon. Would James Bond be caught dead wearing those suits—even if it was to save Mother England (father Norway?)? NO, he wouldn’t, because he needs a suit that can easily be taken off to bang hot moon chicks (or aliens with the proper anatomy). Neil Armstrong was a good first attempt; he played the part well, BUT think of what we could do with a Vin Diesel as our first American on the moon. We didn’t land there; we conquered it, and then raced around it in a car stealing shit from the aliens who had the place first… maybe that is why they hate us (is their oil on the moon?).

As we write this there are two Americans floating around in outer space (where is inner space? [answer: it is in your heart, Ben – ed.]) performing repairs on the International Space Station. They got to the space station in a shuttle called Atlantis. Are we the only people that this bothers? I mean, we are no rocket scientists (hopefully the people at NASA are), buuuut last we checked, Atlantis was an island that sunk to the bottom of the ocean, probably the Atlantic (linguistics saves the day as always!), and any island that is beaten by the Atlantic has got to suck. (The Pacific is a different story.) Anyway, what is this saying about our space program? We should be naming our shuttles after gods like Zeus, Hermes, Muhammad (you still can’t have a nuclear program!), Lance Armstrong, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barry Bonds (on the roids, not off), and Superman. If we were astronauts (which we aren’t, just to clarify) we would feel much safer flying into space in Shuttle Schwarzenegger than something called Atlantis (still lost last we checked).

'transparent copout,' the drawer, 2006

2006-09-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

i would've settled for just the matterhorn even

2006-09-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

it's a series

2006-09-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

killa whalez

2006-09-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

POTWs are back, peoples. Thank you Jurassic 5 for inspiring the completion of this one. (I had already drawn the whales days ago, but there were only whales - and then I put on Jurassic 5.) It's good to be back; I'ma try to stick to daily updates from now on. - The Drawer

hang on

2006-09-01T06:05:00.000-07:00

Hey dudes-of-all-genders, it may suddenly be Tuesday before you see a new Pic of the Week here, because I am busy relocating and not having Internet access until my new Airport card gets delivered. There are a couple of pics in the pipeline though, so stay tuned. - The Drawer

oh man take me there

2006-08-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Pluto

2006-08-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

Today is perhaps one of the saddest days in our solar system's long history. Today the planet Earth decided to snub Pluto and kick him out of the planetary club. It has long been debated in science as to whether Pluto was actually a planet or just a large asteroid floating along next to Uranus like an interstellar dingleberry (haha butt jokes!). But today, the 24th of August in the year 2006, or 13 Aknal 11 Mac according to the Mayan Calendar that we at TNE prefer to live by, scientists have decided that Pluto no longer belongs.

So we at TNE ask… What Gives? Couldn’t we leave well enough alone? Sure there may be other bodies of rock and ice and methane (from Uranus? It never gets old!) out there that may be the same size as Pluto, in the same area, and are pretty much the same thing, but you are just thinking scientifically then. That, my friends, is the problem with scientists. These damn “experts” aren’t thinking about the cultural aspect of this decision. What about all the textbooks that now need to be changed (apparently scientists hate trees)? What about all the people who haven’t read since high school (do scientists hate the ignorant? Apparently!)? What about Disney (not a fan of Cars?)? And more importantly, is this just another way for the supremacists to try and pick on something a little different from what we are used to? (i.e. "go to the back of the bus Pluto! You know, the solar system bus!")

It is already cold on Pluto, dark, and lonely. This is just another kick in the junk for a poor planet who was just trying to live the dream. The American Dream that the little guy can make it and be called not only a celestial body, but a planet. Sign up on our internet petition today to protest the tragic loss of Pluto! And by sign up on our internet petition I mean add a comment to this article saying that you plan on signing our petition after Jono comes back from vacation and creates one… or doesn’t.*

* The answer is "doesn't," but leave a dang comment with your signature on it anyway.

What's your number?

2006-08-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

This is the third installment of Taste No Evil’s guide to getting it on. While the previous two installments were dealing with the best way to meet a potential mate… or hook up, or just meet someone of the opposite sex, or same sex I suppose if you are into that… I guess the previous two installments were simply about manipulating others and yourself so that you can be put into a situation where someone might consider doing something with you at some point in time. They weren’t that helpful, we know, but that is because of the system that is already in place, and much like any system (government, tax, sewer) it is severely flawed and needs an overhaul. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!*

* We at Taste No Evil are not suggesting that you actually take to the streets to start a revolution, especially in France, because they already had one, and look where that got them (still stuck in Europe); and the Sewer Revolution, while a great name for a rock band (motto/hit single: “Get Your Shit Together!”), might not be what this country needs.

So this is what we propose:

Everyone would be assigned a number. This is a number that is updated every five years and judges the attractiveness of its assignee. A committee would be appointed to designate the number. We (exclusive we, that is, meaning TNE and not you) would be that committee.

Now many of you assumed right away that we would be using the old 10-point scale. INCORRECT. The 10-point scale is vague and doesn’t make much sense. Different people like different things about members of the opposite sex and can give excessive points for, say, nice feet when the rest of the package is less than stellar. What we have created is a 16-point system with a certain number of points assigned to different body parts and sections - checks and balances, if you will:

4 points for the face
4 points for the forward and upper regions
4 points for the rear and lower regions
4 points that are the X factor.

SO this is where we get tricky, and here lies the true genius** of the system - the X factor. The X factor points are points that are awarded for such things as good hair, a nice walk, being a good athlete, (if you are shallow) the person having money, or a good sense of humor. If there is something about someone that just makes them sexy, they can be awarded X factor points. One can also lose X factor points for things such as an annoying voice, bad teeth, past indiscretions and so on. These are taken off their total as opposed to added (see genius!**).

** Jono did not in fact come up with this idea, so it is probably not genius.

So we have this ranking system in place, and then to make dating simpler, you can only date, or ask out, people within a 2-point spread on you. Everyone would have a card with their number on it, so if an unattractive guy comes up to you at the bar, you can point blank ask to see his card, and if he has a 4, and you are a 7, you don’t even have to say another word because the deal is TOAST. It avoids awkward situations, makes dating simpler, and shrinks the potential dating pool. If you want to date down lower than 2 points, that is your business.

This system may be called “shallow” or “not feasible,” but think of it… a world where everyone carries a card with them, labeling them as something, making it so we don’t have to be scared of social interactions and insecurities when interacting with others. YOU have a right to ask out someone who is within your point range. AND if someone does not have a card and they try to pick you up claiming that they “forgot it” they get deported back to Mexico, Cuba, Canada, or Europe with the French where they belong.

i like a field guide

2006-08-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

a public service announcement

2006-08-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

hang on a sec

2006-08-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

Hi guys, there's a new Pic of the Week ready, but every time I try uploading it, Safari effing crashes on me. Maybe it just can't handle the subject matter. This issue will be reexamined in the morning. - The Drawer

Edit: Ironically, I had to do the following update on Firefox (i.e. the Tooltip Abrogator), because Safari continues to crash each time I upload an image. Apparently the upload actually works, but the program still crashes. This is vexing.

i want a

2006-08-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

book excerpt hour

2006-08-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

tern: a pungent expletive among birds besides terns

2006-08-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

new word

2006-08-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

I have been using a new word in my head. It is "yexcellent." It means "Yes, excellent." I am going to say it at my new job accidentally when I am agreeing that something is good, and they will wonder what the haps are.

Last night I was realizing how many webcomics out there are conscious or subconscious influences on me in different ways such as subject matter and depth, drawing style, writing, and format. I think it is rather appropriate to give a shout-out to those webcomics. Here are the primary ones and how they end up influencing my own things. By "usage" I mean "word usage" and by "word usage" I mean "the way words are used." - The Drawer

TFD: usage
Natalie Dee: I can be as silly as I want thanks to Natalie. I can be myself. Thank you Natalie for letting me be myself.
Married to the Sea, Wondermark: history
QC: brush inclination
Patches: usage
Dinosaur Comics: alt text, usage
Achewood: alt text, usage (it is a superb comic, all the others are too, but Achewood's use of the various nuances of, what do you call it, "social interaction" is quite breathtaking sometimes.)

quite a large quantity

2006-08-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Ever since I produced it, I was dissatisfied with Planet Jam, and because of this I ended up revamping it a second time (hint this is the revision that you are supposed to like best behind this link, this one here). It sort of seemed half-ast before and so I all up added some dang complexity and hues to it. Now my eyes find it delicious and maybe yours will too (hint this link is a relevant external link). Also I took pants up a notch just now. - The Drawer

coasters: for real

2006-08-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

tonight's topic: tuber

2006-08-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

hey it's about pants

2006-08-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

triangle and square

2006-08-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

MSTRKRFT is playing at GSD's house

2006-08-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

moreover, savor it

2006-08-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

TNE on Lovin', Volume 2

2006-08-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

See the previous post for the subtle deliciousness of Volume 1.

How to get a girl.

Pay attention, this is complicated. Any girls reading this, please look away for a minute. Dudes, girls do not want nice guys, they like asses. If you act as if you are too good for them, they will come in swarms. The “good guy” they are looking for is just an act. Ask any good guy. OK women, you can start reading again. It goes without saying that many of you should lower your standards. Those beer goggles that allowed you to hook up with Swamp Thing last weekend should permanently be attached to your face. Angelina is out of your bracket range (this is something that Taste No Evil is establishing for the good of mankind. Read our next column on the newly introduced Dating Bracket and Scoring System), so stop waiting for her to knock on your door. Brad knocked her door, knocked her up, and you were NEVER in that equation anywhere… unless during a craving she bought McDonalds from you. So in short, lower your standards, go for an easy girl, and if it comes to it just double paper bag her, one for her head, and one for your head… in case hers falls off.

One of the major problems with finding women is actually finding them in appropriate venues where one can engage in a conversation without having to be yelling over loud music, and dancing, and trying to get your mack on all at the same time. The dating equivalent of chewing gum, walking, and juggling 5 flaming torches… it isn’t easy. These are some places that we at Taste No Evil have found are damn good for picking up the ladies.

Coffee shops. I know what you are all thinking… “God I hate coffee-stained teeth.” But trust me, throw a little Colgate at those babies and the dull yellow becomes a dull off-whitish. Don’t tell me that isn’t sexy!

The beach. It is summer, it is hot, go to the beach, bring a Frisbee or a football, and accidentally throw it at groups of hot girls. We haven’t really thought it out more than that, but it sounds like a good start, doesn’t it?

Baseball games. Chicks dig ball players. While we at Taste No Evil do not endorse lying, we cannot prove that you don’t play for a major league team. Though they are effective, use these tactics sparingly as they can backfire in such a manner that suddenly your balls are the ones being hit.

Political rallies. Nothing turns a woman on like a guy who believes in something and is willing to stand up for what he believes in (not the existence of Bigfoot*). Show up, wave a sign, get a number or two, and make sure you support something that women like; think guns.

Well there you go! We are passing on our wealth of knowledge to you, our Taste No Evil readers, and like any power, it can be used for good, or evil. Please play responsibly. Happy hunting! And if you are still looking for something to do this Saturday night, get in touch with us, we will be at our parents place watching Seinfeld re-runs. Stop on by.

* We at Taste No Evil are not suggesting that Bigfoot does not exist. We have no evidence to the contrary. In fact, we may have been behind him in line at the store the other day; he was buying 2% milk, eggs, and Gillette Mach 3 Razor blades. Still, women, for the most part, do not believe in Bigfoot, so he should stay out of most conversations and relationships.

TNE on Lovin', Volume 1

2006-08-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

We at Taste No Evil are concerned. We are concerned about global warming, we are concerned about the war in Iraq and now Lebanon, we are concerned about Mexicans taking over our country and making the USA the DSM (Disunited States of Mexico), we are concerned about that rash on our inner thigh, but mostly we are concerned about you and your inability to find that special someone. We aren’t lonely; we have tons of friends — women and men alike adore us — but you, you just can’t find that Mr. Right or Miss Right Now. Well have no fear, Taste No Evil has the inside scoop to make sure that you won’t spend this next Saturday night alone at your parents’ place watching reruns of Seinfeld again. Follow our advice and say hello to love (greet it with a firm handshake).

How to find a dude.

Many of our women friends out there ask us all the time, “Taste No Evil, why can’t I find a good guy?” It is quite simple actually, you aren’t looking for one!

When women say that they are looking for a “good guy” they simply mean that they are looking for a chick with a manhood attached. Good guys don’t exist, except for us, so if you are looking for a good guy, e-mail us (tastenoevil@gmail.com).

For the rest of you, lower your standards a bit. If you want someone who will treat you right, sacrifice some hotness points. If you want hot, sacrifice some niceness points. If you want perfect, look up Ben Martens, but there is only one of him, so don’t get your hopes up.

As far as meeting a guy goes, it is time to stop waiting for him to come up to you, because quite frankly, it is scary as hell for a dude to ask out a chick (because there is a chance she will say no, and for you, yes YOU there, the chance is much higher that she will say no, so don’t do anything rash). It is much easier for a girl to ask out a guy because the chance of “no” becomes greatly diminished (there is actually a scale which correlates directly with hotness. If you are interested, contact us, especially if you think you rank highly on that scale and are of the female gender.)

So, to meet the guy of your dreams and not be lonely any longer, follow these directions:

1. Wear something sexy; however, if you are not sexy, skip this step.

2. Go to a place with men (bars and sporting arenas are always a good bet; the gym works, but also be creative to catch them off guard: wait outside the gas station — everyone needs gas! Or the milk section of the super market… that always sets you up for great pickup lines. EXAMPLETIME: “Your mom must have given you a lot of milk as a kid ‘cuz you’re the only ten I see.” *

3. Talk to a man, don’t be picky.

4. Be upfront, truthful, and just cut to the chase, unless you want a relationship; in the latter case, lie like a rug.

5. Don’t pay attention to wedding rings, because guys don’t. Unless a woman is hanging on his arm, he is approachable, AND if a woman is hanging off his arm, and you and she are into that kinda thing, he may yet be approachable. The only time we would suggest not approaching a man is if he has one of those rings that you turn one way if you are single, and another way if you are in a relationship — you should stay clear of any many with this type of “bling” because no matter which way it is turned, he is gay.**

6. Be easy. Guys love not having to work.

7. Buy the guy a drink! If you are not that attractive, more drinks may be necessary.

That is it, straight ladies and gay dudes looking for straight dudes. Straight dudes and lesbian ladies, your turn for getting K.O.’d by our superb love-advice arrives in a few days! Stay tuned!

* Editor’s note: What? (It appears that Ben is too perfect for his pickup lines to make sense to mere mortal me. Indeed this is the case; see comments.)

** We at Taste No Evil would like to clarify this by saying “not that there is anything wrong with being gay — I mean, we aren’t, but we like gay people, just not like that. Yeah.”

i found a cool thing in the sky i'ma call it...

2006-08-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

who will win

2006-07-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

lord vivian's ride

2006-07-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm outta town a lot this month, so Pics of the Week may only come once a week, but here's a pretty sweet one hot off the presses. The AI CS presses.

Should we have the right to vote?

2006-07-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Recently Congress had to recertify the Voting Rights Act that was passed during the civil rights era to make sure that no one was prejudizzlized (new word, look it up, it doesn’t exist! Take that Webster!) while voting. Basically, the people in the South wanted minorities not to be able to vote, and this act made sure that voting was monitored and people like... say... Strom Thurmond, were not at the voting table. What these states and regions had previously been doing was to have voting rules, such as written language tests, or oral questions that you had to answer to be able to vote. People trying to vote would usually run into something like this:

Voting Booth Guy: "Are you Black?"
Southern White Trash Voter: "Nah, I ain't no Negro"
Voting Booth Guy: "what color is the sky?"
Southern White Trash Voter: "uhhhh, blue?"
Voting Booth Guy: "Here's your ballot."
---Next man in line----
Voting Booth Guy: "Are you Black?"
Well Educated Black Male Voter: "What kind of a bull$#!t* question is that?"
Voting Booth Guy: "How many bubbles are in a bar of soap?"
Well Educated Black Male Voter: "What kind of bull$#!t* question is that?"
Voting Booth Guy: "Don't get all uppity with me. If you don't know the answer, you can't vote."

There was a problem there (mostly the swearing), and it was fixed. Now we have another problem and we think that our plan is the best way to solve it.

The problem is that this whole democracy thing, quite frankly, isn't working out. It is kinda like a bad relationship where you just keep holding on because it is what you are used to and you don't know what else is out there. Which kinda intrigues you, but it also scares you at the same time because you don't want to be left without a girl... or a government. So we think it is about time that we bring back the test before voting. A “friends with benefits” situation if you will. The people who know the answers to the tough questions like "how many bubbles are in a bar of soap?" "Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?" "Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing soap made with real lemons?" and "What is the capital of Vermont?" are the people we think should be voting and making the decisions. The rest of us should be content to live with the people who are elected by these great thinkers of our time. We think that the Electoral College was set up for this purpose as well, but even the people in the Electoral College (school mascot: the turkey; school slogan: we don’t have to elect who you vote for, so suck on that!) don’t know what it is for.

p.b.i.

2006-07-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

the precedent

2006-07-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

c'mon boston

2006-07-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

awesome-gas

2006-07-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

o bug

2006-07-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

you need it

2006-07-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

How to lose a gut in 10 days

2006-07-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

It is summertime again, as it always seems to be at this time of year, and Americans are thinking about only one thing—how fat they are. We would love to be able to sit here and say “oh no America, you’re not fat, you look great, have another Hostess™” like we do any time a girl makes a comment about her weight (except for you, you really aren’t fat. Chocolate cupcake?), but America, you are fat and TNE is here to help you shed those extra lbs (see what we did there—getting rid of excess crappy letters is our way of dieting!).

America is the most overweight county in the world (we can’t prove this) and it is unhealthy. America is so fat, in fact, that it doesn’t wear a belt, it wears a cross continental railroad. HAHA railroad humor; can’t beat that with a stick (of butter). With all joking aside, we at TNE are concerned. Not only for the health of the people of our country, but for ourselves and the people that we might someday have the chance to hook up with. We want you to look good in a suit (birthday suit), so here are some ideas for how to lose weight and look good, brought to you by TNE.

Diet: According to all the diets on TV, I can lose weight and eat great without having to work out. AWESOME! There are tons of diets out there, and we thought that we would let you know which ones would work, so we went on all of them at the same time. We cannot eat simple carbs, fruits, veggies, meat, complex carbs, fish, or most insects, while at the same time we are allowed to eat simple carbs, fruits, veggies, meat, complex carbs, fish, and most insects (besides blood-gorged mosquitoes, ew), according to the different diets we are on. It is a bit confusing, so right now we are only drinking black coffee and water. So far today we have lost three pounds and done all the housework for the next month. We may start marketing this diet soon.

Exercise: While this goes in and out of style, when done correctly, it is the best way to look good (well, unless you are ugly, then exercise can only do so much). The hard part is that most Americans are fat because they are lazy, so getting them to run, bike or swim without the use of a candy bar on a string probably isn’t going to happen.

If you don’t have time to exercise, do the little things. When you go to get a beer, walk the long way to the fridge, or grab one for a buddy so you are carrying double the weight. Take out the battery of the remote so you have to get up to change the channels (everyone in the house will love you for that). Suck in your gut when at the beach or in the presence of hotties of the opposite(/same) sex. Forget to buy groceries for a day or two (see Fast). Laugh at Taste No Evil. Make out with someone (burns 4 calories a min, making out with two people at once = 8 calories a min and so on. Do you ever see fat people at orgies? Just putting it on the table.)

Fast: not eating is the quickest way to lose weight. It is also cheap. Indians (feather, not dot) used to do this all the time to “connect” with spirit guides. In actuality it was to look good in a loin cloth. Fasting is also known as anorexia and has gotten a bad rap in recent decades* (see note). Once again, the white man attacks the noble savage and his way of life.

Pray: If God doesn’t care about you looking good at the beach, what does he care about? Well, on reflection, I guess that whole gay marriage thing and abortions are kind of his deal now huh.

*We at Taste No Evil do not endorse anorexia, bulimia, or any other unhealthy way to lose weight. While being fat is unhealthy, being stupid is even less healthy.

dove

2006-07-09T08:18:00.001-07:00

dee-licious

2006-07-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

what gives, North Korea?

2006-07-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

A little grapevine whispered to us today that North Korea, in their quest for world domination, fired a missile at Hawaii… wait, not world domination, world annoyance. What North Korea is doing is basically being that bratty little kid on the playground who throws kickballs at the girls to get attention because he wants them to like him but little does he know that in the end those girls are going to say “no” ten years down the line when he asks them to the prom (not that we would know about this *sniffle*).

Why is North Korea really doing this though? TNE has done some research, called some people, seen some things we never should have seen and come to the conclusion that it all comes down to one thing. They are overcompensating. The North Koreans named their missile “Taepodong-2”. Taepodong… dong. COME ON! If that isn’t the most blatant cry of “I’m insecure” that I have ever heard, I don’t know what is. Get over it North Korea, you are part of Asia, and while you might be good at math, making clothes (small nimble fingers), or developing B action movie stars (gotta love dubbing) you are always going to be a little “shorter” than the rest of us.* You could go the route of the Russians and develop a huge nuclear arsenal to stand on (then have it pulled out from under you! go drink your vodka), or you could be more grown up about it, and be like those awesome Americans and just stand for Truth, Justice, Apple Pie**, Peace, and Baseball. (On reflection, Baseball may not stand for any of the previous things: e-mail Barry Bonds if you have any questions about Truth at roids.muscles@yahoo.com). Others have argued that North Korea, as well as most of the world, is doing this kind of thing because they hate America. How can anyone hate a country that stands for Apple Pie? It is delicious! We at TNE want nothing to do with a world that hates Apple Pie. Launch your missiles, North Korea, and all you will get is a Banana Cream Pie in the face. You will look silly and will entirely fail to impress.

*Editor’s note: This arguably racist claim is brought to you fully free from factual foundations and is hence an example of the very best kind of arguably racist claim.

**Apple Pie, while it stands for Justice and Truth, does not stand for Peace. Somehow Blueberry Pie stands for that.

goofy star dude

2006-07-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

he meant to say "the kinks"

2006-07-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

now get back

2006-07-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

We should be in charge of breeding rights.

2006-07-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

It has come to our attention that there needs to be some way to regulate human breeding. Things have clearly gotten out of control. I'm not talking about overpopulation and whatever global ramifications it may have on us all (I'm willing to share a bed if I need to). I'm talking about stupid people who, while not quite advanced enough to comprehend common social behavior, are capable of (and free to practice) reproduction. You may be thinking "that is completely illegal I have my rights!" but guess what, we checked the Constitution, and it says nothing about boning, anywhere. We have the stated right to bear arms and vulgarities but not children or kinky acts, it would seem. This is a key clue as to why so few people have actually read the Constitution.

Remember that kid who used to take his shirt off and hump cabinets in your high school English class? He's a dad! Of two kids! Apparently (1) he realized cabinets weren't getting him anything besides splinters and (2) this caused an actual change in his behavior resulting in (3) his stumbling his way onto an actual girl. We don't know how this happened, or what "substance" the girl was "controlling" at the time in question, if you catch my drift, but things like this clearly need to stop.

This brings me to the very core—the nexus, if you will—of my rant. We at TNE should be in charge of handing out breeding permission slips. We'd have a few people working under us—a committee of some sort—but we would have the final say and veto power. We have put up with a large enough quantity of stupid people to fill, well, most of the planet (the part under the oceans) which makes us uniquely qualified for such a noble task. We really think we need to avoid increasing that quantity. (Furthermore we have a deranged sense that this is our vocation—it tastes like manifest destiny with a sprig of Blues Brothers. Mmmm-licious.) So, a simple fix: we create a basic competency test and administer it to every person at their dawn of puberty. The test would be something a little like this.

When a baby cries it should be:
A) fed
B) changed
C) A or B
D) shaken/stirred

Anyone who checks off "D" gets a black mark on their permanent record. A small verbal portion would follow: anyone who uses the words "acrost," "guesstimate," "nucular," or "heighth" loses points. Also, if they mention anything about Bush "having some good points" in anything he has ever said, they get slapped just for good measure.

Finally, they are put in a movie theatre and their cell phone is called. If they answer it (or have it set on anything other than "off" or "silent") they receive an automatic failure. In this case, or if they have otherwise failed the test, they then receive an equine kick in the nadleys.

This test would provide a clear and decisive end to the influx of stupid, vexing people into the human race. If you think the test is cruel, just look at it this way: it gives natural selection a little assistance* (see note). If those people kept breeding, their kids would be too dumb to get out of the way of a moving bus or would decide that they want to become pop/country singers, and we would have to put up with an intolerable amount of resultant wailing in either case. Besides, who needs MORE shirtless cabinet humpers?

*Note: If you just read this and thought (either to yourself or aloud, enraged, to your computer screen) "Darwin is full of crap!" you get a pass to go to the head of the ball-kickin' line.

cooking suggestion

2006-07-05T15:12:00.001-07:00

chuffing straight toward a delicious breakfast ... for YOU

2006-07-05T14:30:00.000-07:00

"Why not stick with the transportation leitmotiv of the original Pics of the Week" is what I repeat to myself at night.

Will you be my friend?

2006-07-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

It was recently released that, according to a study done by sociologists (take-home lesson: yes, you can do something with a sociology degree) at Duke (school song: "Loving, Touching, Squeezing, Consensually" by Journey), Americans have fewer closer friends than they used to. Obviously this is important, as it was on CNN, in the New York Times, and most importantly, listed in Google News, making it truly legit (which scares the hell out of the other two news sources). This raises some questions for us as Americans that I feel need to be answered as only we at TNE are qualified to do. Now, we are not going to claim that we “read” the study, or even the entire article, nor did we do actual “research” for these answers, but we are certain that they are right, and if you disagree, you can file that complaint in the proper receptacle marked “Restroom” and flush, or send us an e-mail… but we are selectively illiterate and won't be able to read the message unless it proclaims in all caps how great we are.

1. How is this news? Good question! Glad we asked ourselves that. Well, recently books have been published reminiscing back to the “good old days” when there were "bowling leagues" and people used to hang out with "other real live people." This is seen as the heyday of the American Civilization and writing about it is seen as a damn good way to make a buck. News is all about contrast: the way things should be, to the way things are. There should not be floods, but there are, so this is news; there should not be a war, but there is, so that is news; and Angelina should not have kids, but does, so that is news (huh? hang on…) Obviously, because Americans are soooooo cool, they should have tons of friends and be wicked popular, but they aren’t, so that is now news.

2. What does this mean for Americans and our future? That Americans are having a hard time making and keeping friends—wait, I’m actually lying. What the study says is that Americans have fewer “confidants” but have more advanced social networks and do a better job keeping in touch with people—mostly because of the internet.

2. Answer the question, moron: what does this mean for Americans? It means that we frickin' love MySpace (www.stalkerparadise.com) and the Facebook (www.willyoubemyfriendipromisenottopoke.com). These websites allow you to create networks, keep in touch with old friends, know where people are living, look at pictures, and, in the case of MySpace, allow you to pretend to be a 14-year-old girl from North Dakota looking for an older woman to have a deep and meaningful relationship with* (see note).

3. Will this affect my dating life? I don’t know if you have heard this, but we as Americans love the internet, and it is predicted that in the next 20 years we will actually go on dates, have sex, and get married all online without ever having to deal with the awkwardness of an actual relationship. (Some of you out there are a bit ahead of the curve on that one.) You can also meet all sorts of great people online that you never would have met before and try and get them to go out on dates with you* (see note). So in short, YES! This will affect your dating life in such a way that YOU will actually be able to get a date. It won’t be real though, so it will be a lot like your current girlfriend or boyfriend.

4. How does one go about getting the money to do these kind of studies? We at TNE have people looking into it but at this point we believe it has something to do with kneepads and humming; lubrication may also be involved—she refused to tell us any more after that.

Part of the problem is that we, as a nation, are so great that it is hard to find people who are worthy of our closeness. We are not going to get close to just some “normal” person. Why would we ever want to have a meaningful relationship with someone who isn’t perfect (e.g., all the girls on the internet)? This study is obvious bull though; we have tons of close friends who IM us all the time, send us cute Facebook messages, and ask us to send them money so they can get into the country. Don’t worry, we don’t. We aren’t that stupid; we send checks. It will be so nice to have someone to talk to once we get over that whole language barrier thing* (see note).

*Note: We at Taste No Evil do not condone lying on the internet, or lying in general. Do not try and pick up people online, it is sketchy... dirtbag.

Happy 4th of July from TNE

2006-07-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Long ago, Taste No Evil was conceived by four men who had a dream: a dream of wanting not to have to go to class, to avoid home room and to make fun of those around them in a creative and socially acceptable way. Apparently satire isn’t mean, but is defined as clever. It is amazing how a different word can make everything all right. Time has passed, and now some of those same TNE staff members have decided that it is time for the world once again to be exposed to our special brand of humor. This is our attempt at a social commentary on life though prose, pictures, and cons (what?) while hopefully making you laugh a little, shake your head in disbelief, raise an eyebrow, cough, ponder life, touch yourself, or at least amuse ourselves in the process.

We launch this blog on the 4th of July, a day of great importance that most of the world doesn’t celebrate and most of Americans don’t understand. This is a great analogy for our brand of humor. Another great analogy is that old hot dog in the back of the fridge that you decided to cook and eat even though you know you shouldn’t and now you feel kinda sick and are looking for a way to get into the bathroom without being too obvious about it. Like that old nasty hotdog that you felt you had to eat to be patriotic, we take that crap that is thrown at us, digest it a little, and throw it back up at you in a form that you can at least relate to.

Check back often for articles, comedic writings and ravings, artistic renditions of your mom, movie analysis, random pictures, and engage yourself in our discussions of life by e-mailing us your thoughts, feelings, deepest desires, or sexy pictures. Avoid the Aftertaste with a fresh helping of Taste No Evil!

We know this is a big deal for many people out there, but we love our country and don’t want to steal the eagle-thunder from its birthday, so below is a list of ways that you can help celebrate with America on the Fourth of July other than simply being in wonder of us.

1. Burn something. Americans love fire; we prove it by kicking everyone else's ass in CO2 emissions and we even celebrate the birthday of our country by burning crap. To prove how much you love America, burn something big, like a small city or town. *Note: Taste No Evil does not actually endorse setting anything on fire, even crappy towns. In fact, we did not even just write that.

2. Drink beer. And not that crap from Germany or a microbrewery. Real Americans drink real beer such as Budweiser, Coors, or PBR, and then drive around looking for stuff to light on fire (see 1.). *Note: Taste No Evil does not actually endorse drinking, or drunk driving, or burning anything at all, just pretend we never said that.

3. Pick a fight. Fighting someone is American, and a hell of a way to celebrate America’s birthday! It is only fair to pick a fight with someone whom you know you can kick their ass. For many of you out there, this is a limited group of old women. Otherwise, get ready for some QT with the nursing staff. *Note: Taste No Evil does not endorse or encourage you to fight, especially old women; if you think that you just read such a suggestion, read the paragraph again, because you read wrong. If you see the same words again, well, up & take some lessons in a little something called "literacy."

4. Spend time with your family. *Note: Taste No Evil does not encourage anyone to spend actual time with their families.

So there is your list of ways to celebrate the 4th of July in a truly American way… or you could not set anything on fire, not drink and drive, stay out of the hospital, and stay away from your family by reading Taste No Evil and thinking about how much better your life is going to become. Just like the way Europeans made life better for the Indians (feather, not dot) by founding America and starting our tradition of taking names, kicking ass, and then forgetting those names.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY from TASTE NO EVIL

CSS-crazed = me

2006-07-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

I spent what feels like all day messing with the presentation of the blog. Any input welcome.

- J.

New picture

2006-07-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

HELLO IT IS A REVAMPED VERSION thanks InDesign:

See here for the full-size image. Profile image updated too. The CSS was kind of messed up but it seems to be OK fixed now.

Older picture

2006-06-25T11:53:00.000-07:00